I Need Attention

"Dad watch me"

"Mom look"

"Dad, Dad, Dad"

"Look what I can do"

As parents, we have heard all these before, and as kids, we have all said something along these lines in our attempts to capture the attention of our parents or others.

What if we don't grow out of the need for attention?

I was spending time this morning trying to become aware of why at night time after the kids are in bed I feel such a relief and at the same time can be so tempted to look at porn, drink, or simply veg out. I came to the conclusion that I need attention.

I realized that my day is filled with me giving my attention to others, my work, my family and my kids. Once the day ends my attention can now be all on me. I can now selfishly put my attention on whatever it is I want to without others taking it from me.

I realized however that it wasn't simply me getting to shut off and turn my attention where I wanted but rather it was me giving attention to myself because I am starving for it. I learned at a young age that I needed to perform to get attention and when I didnt get attention I would give it to myself by playing alone in my own fantasy world. The need for attention hasn't changed but the fantasy world I play in has.

How do we get attention in a healthy way?

That is the question I started to ask in prayer. God how do I get attention without using negative destructive methods to provide it for myself? How do I realize the attention I have from God?

Matthew 10:30 came to mind as I was praying and meditating on this thought. I realized that Gods attention is always on me. I don't have to do anything to get his attention. He knows the hairs on my head which I had to research is about around 100,000.

'And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered.  '

Matthew 10:30

Knowing what scripture says and experiencing are two different things. So I am on a journey to not just know that God knows me, and that I have his attention but to fully experience the depth of it so I don't need it from anywhere else. If we can go through our day with the awareness that Gods full attention is on us we could truly be in a place where we don't need it from anywhere else.

None of us have had perfect parents and some of us have had significant neglect growing up. We have not had a perfect picture of attention as our the people in our life whom we want to see us the most (our parents) have there attention elsewhere. Not ever fulling providing it the way we were designed to receive it.

You and I were designed for attention.

When you read Genesis you see that God was present with Adam and Eve before the fall until they attempted to hide from his presence. Let us not mistake Gods presence for that of merely being there. Our experiences would tell us that presence is being in the same location. But we know that we can be somewhere physically but still not be present. God's presence is not about location its about intention and attention. He is fully present, knowing you and I. His presence means we have his full attention. He is captivated with us. Wow!

So our journey is to become more aware of his attentive presence in such away we don't need the attention of anyone else.

Next..........

Check out the course I am working on to help people with their struggle with pornography. In many ways, pornography is a way we take care of our needs and give attention to ourselves when we haven't found it elsewhere. The first step is to become aware because if you don't know where you are at you wont know where to go.

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